I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
