So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
