I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Im part way to drunk.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
