youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
