also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
