Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
