I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
