is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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