There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
