She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
