Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
