Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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