I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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