True but thats because hes a fetus.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
