you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
