Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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