Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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