Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
