Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
