First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The power of my boobs compel you
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
