i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
