I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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