I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
