I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
