Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
if i died would you start the facebook group?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
