id be glad to
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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