I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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