And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
