Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
