thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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