I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
