Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
