Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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