Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
