thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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