Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
