bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
