he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
