Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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