Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
