He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
