I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
