Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
