woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
