i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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