I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
