it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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