your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
