If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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