I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
