the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
