I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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